I was going to record my narration yesterday, and I was going to make it quick. I just wanted to say what I needed to say, and then return the recorder. Unfortunately, campus is full of background noise that I wasn’t even aware of. Those microphones pick up everything. I was under the impression that I was sitting on a quiet bench on the outskirts of campus. But with the help of my trusty microphone, I was right next to the lawnmower that was driving around Jesse Hall. I moved further from Jesse, but I could even hear two people having a hushed conversation across the street.
I was frustrated. No matter where I went, there was noise that ruined my narration or my narration would ruin other people’s peaceful study habits. I eventually caved and just took the recorder home to record my narration in my room.
Until now, I did not realize what I had stumbled upon. I became a superhero when I plugged my headphones into a Zoom recorder. These gadgets bestow superhuman hearing on their operator. Imagine the great things you could do with this power!
At least until you have to return it to avoid a fine. This is the greatest journalistic breakthrough in the history of this school and maybe even the world. When people look back through history, they’re going to remember three things: discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Zoom recorder.
The Zoom recorder is decent at capturing audio from interviews, but its true potential lies in surveillance. Every journalist wants to know what their sources say when they’re not around. With the help of the Zoom recorder, now they can. Your sources aren’t going to say anything interesting to your face. They probably don’t like you. They’re going to wait until you’re gone to say the good stuff to their friend or to monologue to no one in particular.
As soon as you leave the interview, continue to record from a safe distance. You’re going to be famous for all the juicy details you get from these post-interview recordings! Yes, this is very unethical, but no one will ever be able to catch you because you’ll always hear them coming.